Maine State Plate Art

I have a driver’s license, but I don't have a car. I probably will never have a car. First off... I don't really know how to drive that well. I can't even believe that I passed my drivers test way back in '04. I was hungover and it was 7am! Second off, I walk just about everywhere... and for places I can't walk to, I usually rely on a vast resource of friends with cars. Thanks guys. Oh and third off... cars are expensive. I'm broke.

But with all that aside, it doesn't mean I can't appreciate one of the more beautiful facets of the driving world... the license plate. Everybody needs a plate to drive, and the fair state of Maine just happens to have a variety of plates you can choose from. Some states in the US have some great plates...others don't. I'm kinda cheesed off that New Hampshire has a burly moose on one of their license plates. Massachusetts really has a pretty boring license plate.. while Hawaii has a beautiful rainbow! But Maine. Maine is my home state. And so I’ve decided to share with you all some of my thoughts about these thin metal plates that are a definite must for the road.



Here we have the most common of the Maine license plates. The standard plate. This is the one that you are issued if you don't want anything special. It fucking sucks. Okay, I know I know... most of Maine is completely covered with pine trees. They are everywhere you go. But when I think of Maine, I don't think of miles and miles of boring pine trees. I'm sure you don't either. You might think of other things... who knows? But not miles and miles and miles of boring ever greens that stay the same color year round. The way that these trees are present on this plate look totally lame. And then you have the Chickadee. The state bird. I recall in 4th grade visiting the state Capitol of Augusta and being shown around the State House by some representative from god knows where. Probably Skowhegan or something. Anyway I defiantly remember her telling us that she was working on a bill to put the Chickadee on the state license plate. Even at the age of when I was in 4th grade I knew that this lady was retarded. The chickadee is the most stupid pathetic bird ever. It's small and annoying. Why the hell do we have to glorify this puny bird on our states standard plate. C'mon! This is another reason why I think our current standard plate is bullshit.

If only it was like the old days....



Most of you Mainers reading this will recall this old standard. This is what you USED to get. This was a REAL Maine plate. Nothing to fancy, but totally memorable. That's a key to license plate art...being memorable. That cooked red lobster just burst out from behind the writing.. begging you to tear off one of it's many legs... and to suck out it's succulent lobster juice. The lobster is a Maine symbol. It's what you think of first when someone says Maine! "Vacationland" is also such a perfect word. It's catchy. It gets outsiders to come here and spend money. Maybe I sound like an old fool, but I really think this was and is the best Maine license plate. So much better than that chickadee shit.

Next we move on to the specialty plates. The plates that you might have to spend a few extra bucks on. Most of the time the extra bucks you spend on it go to a cause or something else that is good. This is all great, but why spend extra bucks of a sucky looking plate?




I've been seeing this new plate around a lot. It is plate that supports the local agriculture. And it's awful. It's a good cause to support local farming and all that jazz, but when the plate looks like two people walking into the nuclear blast of Hiroshima I think the message gets a little fuzzy. Agriculture? I see a tiny little farm!! TINY! This could be a license plate for any state. Any State! Nothing about this plate screams out "MAINE!" like a proper license plate should. FUCK THIS.



This is a plate for students. It's got an incredibly scary bear on it, and if I didn’t know that the UMaine mascot was the Black Bear I would be so freaked out I'd probably never step foot in Maine. Nothing sucks more than getting mauled by a fierce bear. Remember that.



Ah... here's a nice plate! This is the Conservation plate. If you have this plate it means you might have contributed a few nickels in preserving the parks and natural areas of this great grand state. It is a very pretty looking plate, with a very awesome bird. The Loon. The loon is so much frickin' cooler than the chickadee. It makes a great little call too. Notice the art on this plate. The depth. The mountains are in the background and we see some very nice looking pine trees. Of course, there are many lakes in Maine. The lake here looks like a nice place to take an afternoon dip. As an observer when you look at this plate you know for sure that Maine IS a natural treasure, and maybe you shouldn’t even be driving in you car because you are destroying Maine's beauty with every mile you drive. Maybe this license plate is ironic. My dad has this one.



I think I’ve seen this plate maybe once or twice. You might have to be a member of the Wabanaki tribe to own this plate. But it's got a great illustration of Maine's largest mountain... Mount Katahdin Mountain!




Here's the Maine Lobster plate! This should be the NEW standard license plate. Even though, there is probably no way a cooked red lobster would be hanging out on a rock, this plate takes the best bits of the old standard and glorifies it with some better artwork. The Maine coast is beautiful with all its ocean and islands. It's the best part of Maine as far as I’m concerned. There is even a little old lobster shack in the corner. The colors and presentation are nice, and this plate showcases the best parts of Maine. Why this isn't the standard plate I don't know. Brothers and sisters....this is the best license plate we got!